An observation
I have been reading over my own blog, and now I see “illness” written all over it. The kind of depression, despondency and anger I was describing is not normal.
I have been reading over my own blog, and now I see “illness” written all over it. The kind of depression, despondency and anger I was describing is not normal.
28 November 2008 at 11:15 am
Hello, Mate (if may call you so:), been reading your blog for a while. Pray forget about normality…there’s nothing more anormal than a Christian life with its sinusoid, or worse, variations between epiphany and descent into hell. I’ve stopped seeking normality-it’s just a concept the world came up with to feel more secure. Bearing one’s cross isn’t normal by the world’s standards, as you perhaps already know. We are an anomalous lot because we feel, and see and realise how much things are not really going on as they should, both within and outside us. Yet, we have yet to realise His Sufferings in our own lives-a pretty few succeed by heavenly grace in doing so. But still we should strive, not only to try to unite to His sufferings, but also, at every new dawn, to acknowledge Beauty. May the all-compassionate Christ grant you healing.
29 November 2008 at 8:52 am
Seraphim,
You have been given a gift in that you have a record of your struggle here. Also, as you recover and regain some balance, may your personal experience of depression and the darkness help you remain sensitive and compassionate toward those who struggle in a similar way. Never despise any of the ways in which God has helped you–including this most recent medical help. God is good. We have it on good authority in The Lord’s Prayer that although suffering can be greatly used by God in our lives, it is not a good in and of itself. We are never wrong to ask not to be led into temptation and to be delivered from evil.
4 December 2008 at 7:46 pm
Dear Seraphim,
I’ve never looked upon Christianity as “bearing the cross,” but as “embracing” it. It makes the load much lighter! My name is Nika, and my life has truly been one to be conquered. May God give you strength and peace.
In His Love,
Nika
5 December 2008 at 9:26 am
Hi Seraphim,
I was looking for a good example of the definition of ICXC NIKA to send to a client, and found your blog!
I wanted to share a few things with you – please take what applies and toss what doesn’t.
I advise against pursuing your sins. I know this sounds ‘against the grain’ but as a person who is already dealing with depression this is an unhelpful way of dealing with the situation. While it is true that pride can work in both directions – driving us into sin and also believing we can do no wrong – the imbalances that throw off your emotional state make it difficult to connect your emotions to your actions. That’s like trying to trace a map from New York to San Francisco while someone is shaking the table.
Likewise, don’t pursue the attempt to feel less or think less. The Scriptures clearly never ask this of you. Instead, what they ask for is self-control or a clean heart. The heart is a warehouse of symbolic gestures and expression – when you think and feel things, those raw intimations are given flesh by what is in your heart. Your heart is fed by your experiences and also what you choose to expose it to. It naturally forgets, so allow it to forget the bad and feed it the good.
Over time, the best way to do this is find a good teacher of the Word and experience the liturgical life of the church – avoid things that reinforce negative imagery in your heart (for the time being)…
This could start with something as simple as clearing your walls and learning to be comfortable with silence. Establish a regimen of rest in the morning. We put up with so much static in our lives – turn it off.
The most important thing, don’t accept passive forms of entertainment – such as TV and radio. Rent movies, read books and borrow albums – connect with others who do the same. The collective media outlet does not have your mental health and well-being at heart. They have no problem attacking your self-esteem in order to get you to buy things.
If you would like some suggestions on where to start, feel free to write!
5 December 2008 at 10:56 pm
May I just say this: You are not the only one who is ill inside. No one has fulfilled the stature of man but Christ alone who came to “complete” what Adam did not.
If one were to compare myself to the worst sinner on earth (implying I am not the worst although for humility sake I should be) I would be standing side-by-side with that supposed “wretch” regardless of how much more evil I or He may be; the bottom line is we both choose to oppose God by our thoughts, words and deeds. Regardless of our standing, this does not matter for our sinful ways piled up on each other is but a drop of water in the ocean of God’s love and mercy. What truly matters is that we both have a chance to amend our ways by getting up after we fall even if we fall infinitely even to the minute before the departing of our souls from this place; we must simply try with His help, for God looks to the heart of men and is quick to attend.
May God strengthen our despairing souls.
9 December 2008 at 1:58 am
Sory my englesh, I want to tell you a lot of things but I say only these: say these prayer when you feel depression forsing yourselves to thinking at nathing beside, cut every thought with “Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God have mercy on me the sinner”
I do not tell you these things from books, I tell you from my experience. Is the power of God name.
I live in a city, I go to work, I would say like every people.
read the writings of Father Sofrony Saharov and Geron Porfirios Bairaktari
9 December 2008 at 2:07 am
Sory my englesh, I want to tell you a lot of things but I say only these: say these prayer when you feel depression forsing yourselves to thinking at nathing beside, cut every thought with “Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God have mercy on me the sinner”
I do not tell you these things from books, I tell you from my experience. Is the power of God name.
I live in a city, I go to work, I would say like every people.
read the writings of Father Sofrony Saharov and Geron Porfirios Bairaktari
Forgive me! Have joy of Christ!